surrenderrr09 (surrenderrr09) wrote in sobriety,

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I don't want to lay in self pity.

I am an addict.

I was clean and sober for 94 days after going to rehab for 40 days outside of West Palm Beach, FL at "Unity Recovery" (Hobe Sound).
I am from New York.
I relapsed a few times and was sent to "Rosewood Center for Eating Disorders," in Wickenburg, AZ for my addiction and my eating disorder.
I have already relapsed and I've only been home a week and a half.
My drugs of choice are vodka and marijuana. I have once again disappointed my sponsor.
I don't know what needs to change.
I thought I understood Step 1 and admitting powerlessness and unmanageability.
Clearly I don't because I am chronically relapsing.

All I can think about is wanting to get outside of myself with whatever is available.

I need this cycle to stop so I can have something real to live for.
I'm 23 and I've had enough, but I don't know how.

I'm trying to get into a 6 month sober living facility in upstate NY. I don't want to do it and it's scary but I don't think anything else will work.
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